![]() The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged French lady and was being used by her little dog. Real oldie goldie – a gem from the Second World War comes back to life!A train in Britain was very crowded, so the American soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. Where do Russians get their milk? From Mos-cows. What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning? "It's just an udder day". Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry. I’ve got a bad case of Anal Glaucoma." Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?" Employee: "I just can't see dragging my ass into work today!"Īnd now for a little bovine humour (very little): How does a farmer count a herd of cows? With a cowlculator. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, “Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.”Įmployee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in to work today. The teacher smiled when Bubba, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words, “Defeat,”, “Defense,” “Deduct,” and “Detail.” Bubba stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Why is a physician held in much higher esteem than a statistician? A physician makes an analysis of a complex illness whereas a statistician makes you ill with a complex analysis!Ĭhildren were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. Someone who is skilled at drawing a precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. A Mathematician broken down by age and sex.2. "Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994) I asked a statistician for her phone number. The first is never tell everything you know. There are two rules for ultimate success in life. He postulated that there is a special attraction to women in one's own family in his little known work, ‘The Theory of Relative Titty’. If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?Īlbert Einstein had tried to date outside his family circle, but he never found any of the other women appealing -especially in the boob department-that weren't within his familial group so he ended up marrying his cousin. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. What do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. English muffins weren't invented in England. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger neither apple nor pine in pineapple. ![]() Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree! Let's face it - English is a crazy language. WHY ENGLISH IS SO DIFFICULT !!We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother we never say methren.Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. What do Jewish mothers, 60 Minutes and clocks have in common? All three begin with 'ts-ts-ts-ts-ts'.
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